A Belated Mother's Day Post

First off, I want to say Happy Mother's Day to all the mommies out there, whether you are an experienced mom, a first-time mom, or a mommy-to-be :)

Dave and I had a busy day yesterday, celebrating with my mom first for lunch and then going by his mom's afterwards. We actually stuffed our faces for lunch, so we didn't eat with his family, but we still spent some quality-time playing board games! For the record, I'm not a huge fan of board games, especially with ultra-competitive people. To me, playing games should be fun, not a time to bitch, moan, be a sore loser, etc. ::cough, BIL, cough::

I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't at all feeling down about yesterday. Obviously, Mother's Day is a painful reminder that I am not a mommy. Especially when someone wishes you a Happy Mother's Day. Um...err....this isn't Thanksgiving where you wish anybody and everybody Happy Thanksgiving. This is Mother's Day, where mothers are celebrated. Wishing someone a Happy Mother's Day who isn't a mother, but yearns to be, is a slap.in.the.face. At least that is what it feels like. And I know that it wasn't intentional, but it's hard to not at least get a little upset. I just wish that people actually thought about what they were going to say before spewing it into the universe.

And I know. We just started trying and there are a ton of people that have been trying for far longer than we have been, but I've been ready for almost a year already. And to be honest, I wasn't the best at remembering to take my BCP, so it feels like we have been trying for a LOT longer than we have.

And with that I'm going to stop ranting and /vent. I've given myself permission to throw a mini pity party and I am done now :)

Hopefully next Mother's Day will be MUCH better!

Thankful Thursday

I've decided to implement Thankful Thursdays! I've seen this done on various other blogs and I LOVE the idea. There are WAY too many things that I take for granted and I know I do my share of bitching and moaning about stupid, inane things. So, every Thursday I will be taking a moment to reflect and I will name 5 things that I am thankful for. Feel free to participate as well!

1. I think it goes without saying that I am thankful for Dave. His ability to make me laught or cheer me up when I've had a bad day, or even if I'm just in a blah mood, is one of the things I love most about him.
2. I am thankful for the thunderstorms that should be rolling in overnight tonight. I LOVE thunderstorms, especially in the spring/summer. Oh, and it is a free car wash!
3. I am thankful that my cousin's little boy's surgery went very well and hope he was a speedy recovery! Poor little guy :(
4. I am thankful for being able to work from home one day a week.
5. I am thankful for the Blackhawks, who lead the Canucks 2-1 in the second round of the playoffs. Let's bring it back to the UC being up 3-1, boys!

What are you thankful for this Thursday?

A Little About Me....

While perusing other blogs, I found this survey and thought, "What the heck!"

I'll divulge my deepest and darkest secrets. Well as deep and dark as which DVD is in our DVD player at the moment and what kind of car I drive can be!

I hope you make it all the way to the end - it's kind of long :)

What kind of car do you drive? Toyota Corolla and yes, I will buy another Toyota when this one goes kaput!

Have you ever had a garage sale? Not me personally, but when I was younger, we had, like 3.

What color is your iPod? I have an iTouch, so it is black and silver. Looks just like an iPhone.

What kind of dog do you have? None.

What's for dinner tonight? Not sure. We are trying to decide that now!

What is the last drink you drank? Diet Coke

Last time you were sick? A couple of weeks ago. Seriously, it seems like I only get sick when it's nice out!

How long is your hair? Not long enough! I am trying to grow my hair out. Right now it is maybe 3 inches past my shoulders?

Are you happy right now? Yep! And I will be even happier if the Hawks win tonight :)

What did you say last? Um, what do you want for dinner, lol

Who came over last? My brother so he can steal my inhaler, ahaha

Do you drink beer? Very rarely. I usually drink vodka. Tonight, I'm going to have a margarita!

Have your brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted? Nope

What is your favorite key chain on your keys? Probably my Coach keychain :)

What is in your pocket? Nada, don't have pockets in my yoga pants

Who is the last person you had a phone conversation with? I don't really remember, but probably a client at work

What DVD is in your DVD player? Last House on The Left - the original. I like horror movies :)

What's something fun you did today? Nothing yet, but we're about to go watch the Hawks game!!

What do you think of when you hear the word "meow"? A cat (Randomness)

What are you listening to right now? A Target commercial

What have you had to drink so far today? Diet Coke

When is your birthday? July 20

Where did you buy the shirt you're wearing now? I think Spencers? Because I am lame-o!

Is there anything hanging from your rear view mirror? Nope

How many states in the U.S. have you been to? 9

What are you going to do after this? Figure out dinner and then go out!

What is something you need to go shopping for? What DON'T I need to go shopping for?! Groceries, memory card for my phone, spring candles, and a ton of other stuff!

Do you like pickles? LOVE them. I could seriously eat a jar/day!

How about olives? Only black olives

What is your favorite kind of gum? Spearmint

Do you have any tan lines? Kind of. I still have a faint line from last summer!

Do you remember the name of your kindergarten teacher? Nope! But I do remember my brother's. Weird.

Who was the last person to call you baby? Probably Dave, although he doesn't usually call me baby!

Has anyone ever sang to you? Dave. He loves karaoke!

Has anyone ever given you roses? Dave, for Valentine's Day 2009. It's been a loooooong time!

If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive? Prob not!

What is your favorite color? Pink

What color are your eyes? Brown

What is a compliment you receive way too often? "You look like you lost weight!" Yeah, thanks for trying to be nice. You know I look like an even bigger BUTTERBALL than before. Grr!

How tall are you? 5'4

Who was the last person to say they loved you and when? Dave, when I got home from work

Do you like your parents? Yep!

Why did your last relationship end? Dude, that was like 13 years ago!

Who was the last person you said you loved on the phone? Again, Dave!

Which do you prefer, to eat or sleep? Depends. Right now, I would say eat b/c I am starving!

Do you look more like your mom or your dad? Mom. I chopped my hair off after my wedding and my BIL called me by my mom's name!

How long does it take you to shower? If it is when I first wake up, about 15-20 minutes. I just can't get moving in the morning! But if I shower in the afternoon or at night, like 10 minutes

Can you do splits? Um, I could NEVER do the splits. Just not flexible that way

Can you use the grill? Yep

What movie do you want to see? Sex and The City 2! I can't wait!!!!

What did you on New Years Eve 2007? I think that was the year that we did nothing b/c we had a wedding the night before? I could be wrong, but I can't remember!

Was your mom a cheerleader? I have no idea - I've never asked

What is the last letter of your middle name? N

How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Not nearly enough! About 6.5

Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? Almost always

Are you scared of flying? Nope, but Dave is

What do you sleep in? Usually yoga type pants and a tank top

Do you have any tatoos? One, but I want another!

Have you ever been to Los Angeles? Driven through it on a vacay to Disney

What jewelry do you wear all the time? My wedding and engagement rings

What is your favorite song at the moment? Haven't Met You Yet by Michael Buble!

What song do you HATE? That DAMN filet o' fish song!!!

Do you like chocolate? Yes, but usually only when AF is here, lol

Are you easy to get along with? I like to think so

Any up coming events you're excited about? When we FINALLY go to Redamak's for the first time this year!



Dear Reader: Feel free to copy and paste this survey into your blog so I can learn a little bit more about you, too! Until next time...

What's up, Doc?

Or should I say nurse? In all reality, nurses probably know more than doctors.

But I'm getting off point...

Since I was diagnosed with PCOS last summer when we weren't trying to conceive, I was being treated for it with hormonal birth control. When we decided to ditch The Pill, I wanted to take one cycle to see if I would ovulate. And so began temping and charting. And charted and temped, I did. For what seemed like f-o-r-e-v-e-r! Fertility Friend faked me out multiple times by giving, moving, and taking away cross-hairs. I was about 17dpo when I called my doc (or rather, the physician's assistant that I see) about starting Provera to end the cycle. I'm still not even sure that I did ovulate last cycle and apparently, neither was FF, hence the dotted and not solid crosshairs.



When I called about the Provera, I told the office that I was TTC and that I had been having difficulty in losing weight. (Losing weight is said to be the best thing for women with PCOS and that losing some poundage can jumpstart ovulation.) And so I inquired about Metformin. I have read so many things about metformin and it really seemed worth a shot. It helps women lost weight and can help you ovulate. I really wanted to at least try it before moving to Clomid, which is a serious drug. My MIL took it for a week and had quintuplets!

They were very resistant to it, but agreed to test my insulin. I called for the results today and was told they were normal. The first nurse I talked to was kind of rude and just said they were normal (74, whatever that means!). I was bummed. I really wanted a plan and waiting a year when I really don't think I ovulate seeemed like torture! So, I decided to move on to an RE. Until I received a follow-up call from a different nurse in the office who told me that even though the blood test was normal, to schedule an appointment with a physician if I am not pregnant in 2-3 months.

FINALLY! It seems like we have a plan! Hopefully this plan won't include putting me on Clomid right away. And I'm excited that it will be with a physician. I really like the PA - I've seen her for my annual paps and am comfortable with her. I just don't think she is the best person to talk about treating PCOS and getting pregnant.

Here's hoping that I won't NEED to schedule an appointment to get knocked up. It would be awesome if I had to schedule an appointment because I WAS knocked up :)

Wishing the Time Away...

This week, while chatting with some very lovely ladies from thebump.com, someone brought up that it seems as if us ladies who are TTC are always wishing the time away. And it’s true. There is always that waiting game. Waiting for AF to end. Waiting to “O”. The two week wait. Waiting to POAS (pee on a stick for those TTC newbies). Waiting for AF to come so you can get on with the next cycle. I am so guilty of this!

Take right now for example. I mentioned in my last post that we are patiently waiting for AF to end to get cycle #2 started. Soon after, I see myself yearning for the days of fertile CM, positive OPKs and rising temps. After that it is a whole ‘nother waiting game, depending on what your temps are. In my defense, I am ALWAYS like this. Always waiting for Thursdays, when I can work from home, then waiting for the weekend, waiting for something exciting planned, waiting for vacay, waiting for the holidays. You get the point.

One day, I am going to look back at these times and wish that I didn’t wish the time away. When we are finally blessed with a child, there will be times we miss our old life. Life that doesn’t include baby-sitters, daycare drop-offs and pick-ups, weekends spent chauffeuring the kiddos around to baseball games and dance lessons, etc.

I’ve come to realize that now is truly a time to cherish on our lives. We are comfortable in our skins, secure in our marriage while still be newlyweds, our only responsibilities are to each other (and of course, work, paying the bills, etc.). While sometimes stressful, TTC is very exciting. We giddily talk about our future children – what we are going to name them, all of the activities we want to do with them, what vacations we want to take them one. We discuss how we will tell our families that we are expecting. What emotions we may feel when we first see those two pink lines on a pregnancy test. The first time we see their little heartbeat on the ultrasound.

I know I may be getting a little ahead of ourselves, but being excited and day-dreaming makes this process more special and something that we will try our very best to cherish and enjoy.

Nothing Much to Report...

So, there really isn’t much going on regarding our TTC journey at the moment. I am on CD3 of my Provera-induced AF, so we are just patiently waiting for her to get her ass out of dodge! To be honest, it isn’t THAT bad. I had some cramping last night and I am STARVING, but other than that, I’m good.

So far, my chart looks normal! That’s not to say it won’t be hideous in a week or two or three (who knows with my looooooong cycles), but for now, it’s normal :)



Switching gears, have any fun weekend plans? Not sure what is going on tonight, but I am uber excited for Game 1 of Hawks vs. Canucks tomorrow! I LOVE hockey and I love the Blackhawks. How can you not? It’s shaping up to be an INTENSE series though. There is an intense rivalry between us and the Canucks, much of it stemming from we bounced them from the playoffs last years. Here’s hoping for a repeat performance!

With that, I’ll leave you with a pic of my hockey husband, Kaner. Just don’t tell Dave, hehe!



Catch ya on the flip side!

Sit Back, Relax, and Strap it Down!

Well, hello there.

Are you ready? Ready for what will surely be a rollercoaster ride of emotions, hormones and sex? Yeah? 'Cuz I sure am! But, I'm scared. Scared shitless, in fact. Hmmm, maybe I should invest in some Depends. Just kidding :) Sort of.

Maybe I should start at the beginning, no?

I'm ErmaDerma. Well, my real name is Erin. How I became ErmaDerma is a story for another post :) I'm 27 and have been married to my sexy husband, Dave, for a year and a half now. We've been together for 13 years, but again, that's a story for another post :)



After being married for just 2 short months, I thought I was pregnant. I had been extremely tired, to the point of going to bed at 7:30 every night for a week, and well we were newlyweds. We had been having sex, duh. But I was on the pill, right? No way I could be pregnant. That's what I thought until 2 harmless comments on Facebook turned me into an obsessed woman. I got it through my thick skull that I could actually be pregnant. And I was terrified. Elated, but terrified. We were only married a couple of months. My company had just down some considerable downsizing and nothing was guaranteed. This was a HORRIBLE time to get pg, right?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized I wanted to be pregnant. I wanted to be a mommy. I had the fever. Erin's got the fever, people! (That was just one of the probably many quotes to come from Bring It On. Yes, I'm a nerd. I like that movie. But, I digress.

Dave, on the other hand, wasn't ready. He wanted a different job, wanted to be more financially secure, etc. So when it turned out I wasn't pregnant, he was relieved. I, on the hand, was a little sad. I knew it wasn't the right time to have a baby, but when is? I quickly got over it though. We agreed to wait until Dave found a different job. Life went on....

Until June 2009 when I was diagnosed with PCOS. PCOS is a bitch of a "syndrome" that is highly confusing, but is the leading cause of infertility in women. THE LEADING CAUSE OF INFERTILITY. This is because, most likely, women with PCOS don't ovulate. Um, that's kind of ESSENTIAL TO CONCEIVE. You need sperm and an egg. If I don't ovulate, where the hell do I get that egg, hmm?? Needless to say, I had a mini-breakdown. Still, we weren't ready to try to conceive just yet.

Long story short, we are ready NOW. I stopped taking my birth control, read Taking Charge of Your Fertility, which is an AWESOME book. Seriously, they should teach all girls this stuff in health class. I then signed up on www.fertilityfriend.com, armed with my BBT and started charting. After a cycle from hell that lasted 70 days and had to be ended with Provera, we are on our way to cycle 2! Hopefully this cycle is MUCH shorter than last. I'm not sure if I ovulated at all last cycle, so I ordered some cheap OPKs and will start to record my CM more consistently.

I am fully aware that this could be a very long road, but we are ready!

So, Sit Back, Relax and Strap it Down!